Gradually, then suddenly

Unable to bring myself out of bed
A pillow just barely smelling like you
With every moment it dissipates
Getting weaker, just like me
These sleepless nights are killing me
Anxiety tightening its grip
The path so clear a second ago, now nowhere to be found


A brief touch of hands, the formal greeting
My usual guarding walls disintegrated
An instant desire of wanting more
Trying not to move too quickly
Blue meets blue and a thousand interruptions
Holding on to the small moments


Music calms my mind
Empowering, enlightening
Social interactions not wearing me out
Growing, evolving
Needing them, searching them, craving them


A simple thank you that made my day
That dreadful feeling
Longing for that moment in the past to come back
Not strong enough, not brave enough, just never enough
Three shots down the drain to ease the pain
Even good things gets twisted and turned
Patiently lurking, waiting, preparing
Striking me swiftly down

Balloon bliss

A drug induced blissful state of mind
Short messages going back and forth
That soft one minute intro fading out
Turning into something completely different
Tread with care, don’t want to go back down that, oh so familiar black hole